WREST/ling

i just spent 7 days at easton mountain sanctuary in upstate new york. www.eastonmountain.com. it's a retreat center for queer men. it's impossible for me to describe the extraordinary, heart opening experience of my time there. i was there for multiple reasons. the first few days i was there on my own personal retreat, which just happened to coincide with the gay men's jewish retreat, nehirim camp. i'm not jewish, but they invited me into their workshops and rituals with open arms... and they invited me into their mud pit with 20 beautiful naked jewish men. it was so much fun!! for the majority of my time at easton mtn, however, i was there as a facilitator for the eros spirit camp. eros spirit camp is designed to help men explore spirituality and erotic energy in a safe & loving context. one of the workshops i offered during the week was called pin me down; guided wrestling, faux sparring and partner stretching. it was a blast. the above video is of a warm-up wresting match with my friend scott who is the resident summer gardener there.

the wrestling was so much fun that i've decided to start a wrestling practice. anyone want to wrestle me!?

YOGA/gymnastics

while i was at easton i taught yoga every morning at 7am and i maintained my own personal practice in the afternoons. there was a stack of wrestling mats which i used to practiced on. i re-connected to my gynmastics background and integrated some tumbling into my yoga flow. ...um, yes, i'm in my underwear. one of the lovely things about being at easton was that it was clothing optional-- you could wear as little or as much as you wanted.

ACTION/debate

it's time to take action, y'all.

LIVE/boldly

"whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. boldness has genius and power and magic in it." johann wolfgang von goethe

last year was a rough year for me for many reasons. a break-up. my dog died. health issues. financial woes. etc.. the end of the year came as a relief. i took the opportunity to review my year, my life, the cause and effect of things, and i decided that i was going to make some significant life changes. i said to myself and to my friends, "i'm going to be happier. i'm going to have more joyful experiences. i'm going to live more fully. and i'm going to be more financially stable" i didn't know exactly what that meant at the time or how it was going to happen, but i knew that i wasn't going to have another year like last year. i made a commitment to myself do more things that bring me joy and less of the things that don't bring me joy. it was a simple decision. i had no idea how difficult and rewarding making this decision would be.

i realized that in order for me to be happy i had to do the work to create the life that i wanted, which meant that i had to take a good look at myself. i had to stop distracting myself with the outside world. i had to start to understand why i do the things i do. what i discovered is that many things that i thought gave me joy didn't really give me joy. and many of the things i thought were work or things that i avoided were things actually brought me more joy. i realized that in order for me to have more joyful experiences i had to radically simplify my life. i had to take care of myself in more positive ways-- in ways that i never have before.

for example, i've never really liked to sleep. late to bed, early to rise. i'll sleep when i'm dead i would tell myself. what i didn't realize is that my lack of sleep deprived me of the vital life force energy that keeps me thriving, upbeat and happy. i realized that drinking coffee was robbing me of that same energy. and alcohol, too. so i gave up alcohol. and then coffee. and then i started sleeping 8 hrs a night. i was ready for change because i was no longer satisfied with the status quo of my life. i knew that i couldn't do it alone. to make these changes i relied heavily on my friends and my community to help me stay strong in my decisions. i asked one of my friends to become my sleep sponsor. i told all of my friends that i am no longer drinking alcohol or coffee so that when i had moments of feeling vulnerable i had a community around me to lean on.

howard thurman said, "ask not what the world needs. ask what makes you come alive and then do it because what the world needs is people who have come alive." this quote became my mantra along with joseph campbell's simple expression, "follow your bliss." i started repeating these quotes daily. i spoke them out loud often. i wrote them at the top of my journal entries. i instructed myself over and over again in joy. and i realized what goethe meant when he said, "begin it." he didn't say, "begin it tomorrow" or "begin when..." he simply said that whatever it is you want to do start it right now. i started asking myself, "is what i'm doing right now bringing me joy or setting me up for more joy?" if the answer was no then i changed my plans, i changed directions, i excused myself from the situation. it's a non-negotiable truth for living a happy life.

the result of all this work-- and being happy is work, let me tell you-- is that i'm happy. i'm traveling on the road for 3 months, i'm meeting good people, i'm spending time in my tent, i'm dancing, and i'm making money. i'm relocating to a place that feels like home. i landed a great job teaching yoga at an amazing studio run by two awesome guys. and i'm surrounded by a community a of fun, loving, kind and happy people who share a similar way of being.

do the work. make the necessary changes. commit to yourself. ask for help. strive daily for happiness. listen to what you tell yourself. listen and listen and listen. then accentuate the good thoughts and encourage the deeper creative voice. eliminate negative and self-limiting beliefs. you are a good person and you deserve to be happy. and don't think for one second that this doesn't apply to you. today, right now, i ____________ commit to being happy, to having more joyful experiences, and to living life fully.

print out this last paragraph. write your name on the line. modify it as you wish. put it in places where you will see it daily. there is nothing greater or more important than your happiness.

NOW/time

Now is the Time from Roger Ingraham on Vimeo.

YOGA/playlist

PAULS/garden

i arrived at my friend paul's in boston around 8pm after 9 hours of driving. we immediately climbed out of his kitchen window onto his roof deck to see his thriving gardens. wow! i felt like dorothy landing in oz! tomato plants, herbs, flowers and shrubs lined the roof. paul's got a green thumb like no one else i've met.

he cooked me an amazing dinner with tomatoes and basil from the garden. afterwards, we curled up on the hammock and watched the night sky as city traffic hummed down below. we fell asleep with the cool night air on our skin.

he made me waffles with fresh blueberries for breakfast.

BUTT/towel

PICKLED/eggs

i went out to dinner with my brother at the white horse inn in gap, pa. this place is an old country house built in the 1800's. it's quaint, but not too quaint. one of the vegetable sides on the menu was pickled eggs. your first thought might be, "gross!," but pickled eggs were a big treat for me growing up. i can remember the big glass jar of beet juice with eggs floating inside and how excited i would get when my dad would give in and buy me one. i also grew up with pigs feet and frog legs.

i love pickled eggs. how could i resist!!

THREE/things

most of my family was there waiting for me when i arrived at my folks house in honey brook, pa including my nieces and grand-nieces (yes, that's right, GRAND-nieces): makayla - 3, kaylee - 2, shawna - 2, haley - 1. within 5 minutes after arriving i opened the lid of my costume box and watched as my nieces faces went from skeptical and shy to completely bedazzled and excited! imagine what the must have thought when their uncle spanky arrived with a unicorn box full the most fabulous sparkly, fluffy, and frilly things they'd ever seen. they strung it out all over the driveway and lawn trying on hats and skirts and scarves and nail polish. but my nieces weren't the only ones who got caught up in the magic. my younger brother, shawn, got swept away, too! (see picture below).

three things to note: 1. my family calls me spanky. that name was given to me when i was about 10 years old. my nieces call me uncle spanky. that name is reserved for my family so don't get any ideas. 2. in case you are wondering yes my costume box is one of the most important things i fit into the backseat of my truck along with my disco ball, star machine and collection of BUTT magazines (don't ask). 3. i am very happy to announce that the power saw, which was on the passenger seat when i left tampa, is now back home with my papa so i am now officially without weapon. amen.

shawn | my younger brother

makayla | my oldest grand niece

COUNTRY/roads

MY/bro

the 2 sides of my relationship with my brother become apparent.

PA/folks

i've been on the road 12 days now with 1,396 miles behind me. this trip has been absolutely spectacular. i'm with my family right now in pennsylvania, which has been absolutely delightful so far. i love my family very much. um... that's not to say that i'm not put to the test daily. but i've learned that a couple of long, slow deep breaths go a long way. what i try to remember with my family-- and with everyone that i meet-- is that deep inside we all just want to be loved for who we are. almost everything that comes out of our mouths can be traced in some way to the need to be loved, to be heard, to be understood, to be acknowledged. i remember that for myself, too. that i have that need. that i'm not invincible. that i'm not so independent and self reliant that i don't need love. in fact, being loved is just as important as our need for water, food and shelter. without love we wither and shrivel and die.

i have a friend whose son was killed in an accident in his early 20's. she's a strong woman with a big, tender heart. when i told her that i was visiting my mother she said, "i hope you get to give your mama a big hug! make it a hard, long hug and say, 'thanks for birthing me, mom.'" when i saw my mom the other day she held me and cried and told me how much she loved me and missed me. i was so choked up i couldn't say anything. all i could do was hug her with all my heart. i never felt so grateful for her.

and i'm grateful for all of my family-- my father, my brothers, my nieces. they never cease to love me and encourage me for who i am.

FAMILY/reunion

i'd love to write about my experience at the family reunion... but pictures can sometimes say all there is to say. yes, that's a goat licking my neck, and yes, that my cousin holding a monkey. nuff said.

MOUNTAIN/top

CAMP/fire

SHENANDOAH/pictures

SHENANDOAH/camping

a quickly edited video of my time so far in shenandoah. sorry for some of the editing glitches. i'm just learning how to do this video editing thing.... it has finally stopped raining and time to hit the trails...

ATLANTA/trance dance

the trance dance in atlanta was a blast!! there were 20 people who showed up. they were open-hearted, kind, beautiful and totally eager to groove. as i walked into the door of jai shanti lo and behold there was jim-- a friend and student of mine from tampa (pictured below). my mouth dropped and my brain short circuited a little. it was a total surprise to see him. wow. the entire evening was so much fun. sweaty. rockin. joy provoking. the overall feedback i got was that everyone wanted MORE!

william and i went out to dinner afterwards to spanish restaurant where we devoured large helpings of black beans and rice.

the doorway to jai shanti yoga studio in atlanta where i lead yoga trance dance.

my dear friend jim from tampa who totally surprised me and showed up to trance dance!

TRANCE DANCE/playlist

YOGA/tree

william and i found this awesome tree crossing over a small stream. i took the opportunity to practice a few yoga postures. further along the trail we discovered someone's home in the bushes along the stream. it was a magical hobbit-like home fully furnished and completely tucked into the woods. it was exhilarating to stumble upon this magical home.

SUNSET/skyline

this is where our sunset bike ride ended before heading back to will's place. the atlanta skyline is beautiful. i'd totally live in atlanta. just sayin'.

YUMMY/meal

slurp!

JAI/shanti

this is the studio where i am leading yoga trance dance this evening. it's a gorgeous studio. lots of love and plant life in this room.

ATLANTA/cafe

i'm at dr bombay's underwater tea party cafe in candler park right now catching up on email, journaling, blogging, etc.. drinking tea. it's filled with books and smart folk looking for quiet time to read or be on their computer. i like the vibe here. just down the street is another cafe that's a little more caffeinated. i like that too. i'm still in atlanta. there are trees and nature and gardens and woods everywhere. last night will and i went for a sunset bike ride. there are bike trails everywhere. he relies solely on biking and public transportation. he zipped up and down the hills with ease. i'm not used to hills so i was huffing and puffing and totally loving it.

i left tampa a few days ago. i'm bursting with excitement about this summer adventure, but i haven't integrated what the flavor of this trip will be. sometimes it feels like i'm on vacation. sometimes it feels like i'm moving. and then i have moments of panic when i feel like i should be working! i try to just be present with myself and my feelings and the ups and downs of moving into this new summer life. the core feeling i have is this sense that i am home free! everything i own is in my truck. i have a great sense of self-reliance. i get to choose daily my experience. just last night i booked 3 nights in shenandoah national park, which wasn't on my original itinerary. i spent a lot of time there when i was in my early 20s. it feels like a returning in a way. i can't wait to be in the mountains, to be on the trails, to see some wildlife. every time i've been there i've seen bear and deer. it'll be a 9hr driving day tomorrow so i hope to leave early.

WILL/iam

this is my friend william who i am staying with in atlanta. he owns the studio (jai shanti yoga) where i am leading yoga trance dance tuesday evening. i am having a magical time visiting him. yesterday we went for a bike ride to the local co-op to get good healthy food to cook. then we went to a very fun pool party. everyone there was friendly and open-hearted. the weather was amazing. afterwards we went for a long walk in the woods. even though he lives in the heart of atlanta there are all kinds of crazy wild parks and forested areas. we cooked together. later on we went to a club and danced the night away. so fun.

today we slept in, ate breakfast, went for a walk, ate lunch, futzed around, ate dinner.

BLOODY/apple

i am stranded at the apple store in alphretta, georgia babysitting my computer while all the data is transferred from my old computer to my new computer. estimated time: 2hrs 48mins. let me backtrack. you see, i purchased a macbook pro just a week before hitting the road, which is another long story in and of itself. the slick new computer arrived in the mail some two days before my departure. but there was a snafu. i can't go into the details without falling back into the hole of rage. let me just say that it was an absolutely ridiculous disintegration of apple's used-to-be impeccable customer service. their inability to be of any help sustained over a long period of time caused a disintegration in my own ability to maintain a sense of control, and i found myself screaming bloody murder to the woman on the phone demanding that she put someone on the phone who could help me even if she had to wake up steve jobs! there were other things said. it was ugly. she was trained well and continued to be like a very nice robot. 1hr 27mins on the phone and nothing got resolved.

since the recent announcement that apple made more money than microsoft this year there has been a downgrade in apple's charm. now they are king of the mountain. they've lost their unique underdog status. po' shame. i've always liked apple because they were cutting edge, creatively elite, and popular among the smart, geeky, bohemian kids. that is all different now. there has now been a gentrification of what was such an extraordinary counter-culture. again, po' shame.

1hr 15mins left. my back is hurting. i feel like a caged animal.

WALKING/atlanta

THE/road

REVOLVED/triangle

467/miles

day one.

i woke up this morning still feeling a bit over stimulated from last night's class and potluck. it was an amazing turn out. wow! 52 people in class. we focused on transitions-- the space and movement between the poses. a lot more people showed up for the potluck. the food was awesome. saying good bye is difficult for me. you'd think that after years of moving and living on the road that i would have developed a way of doing it that doesn't completely exhaust and torture me.

the hardest good-bye, however, was saying good-bye to knavin. i drove to the lotus pond on my way out of town. it was raining and the air was thick with humidity. i walked to knavin's grave and sat with him for a little while. i cried long and hard. i had a strong sense that he was there with me. as i walked away i could feel him following me like he always did. no matter where i'd go he would always follow me. i looked back over my shoulder expecting to see him standing there with those big brown magical eyes glowing back at me.

i stopped at abby's natural foods store on my way out of town to get some lunch and snacks for the road. it was a spectacular day to travel-- cool with mostly cloudy skies. i made it all the way to atlanta. i arrived at my friend bill's house a little after 7. stretched. met the kitty-- shakti. made some tea. and then unloaded my truck to re-organize. somehow i ended up with a power saw in the passenger seat-- don't ask, and so i decided to rearrange the backseat of the truck so the power saw isn't sitting next to me for the next 2 weeks and 1,500 miles.

bill is in california right now so i have the place to myself until tomorrow late evening when i pick him up at the airport. i am going to hibernate, read and take some time to ease into my new life on the road.