Inside and Outside
Duane Michaels
Inside and outside her head, a billion, trillion stars, beyond count, circled and exploded. A million frogs croaked, trees fell in forests echoing down valleys; children cried. The flux of everything throbbed on and on. Songs were heard in spheres within spheres, electric, crackle, sharp. She heard nothing. How could she, when not once had she even heard the sound of her own breathing?
I'm writing this from a cafe that's a 15 minute walk from my apartment. It's a lovely place. The young folk who work here are friendly, and the coffee is organic, sustainable and tasty. Um, did I say coffee? Yup, I sure did. After moving to Boston I fell off the no-coffee wagon and now enjoy a cup every morning. Maybe that's the real reason why I've been in this unstoppable good mood! (insert flashy winking emoticon here). A good friend of mine said to me once, "I like you better when you drink coffee."
For the past week my body has been craving hard physical work. I get a lot of exercise daily. I walk everywhere I go. I practice yoga. I dance. I dry brush--a lot of work if you do the way I do it. But my body has been craving more. So. Yesterday, I dragged a friend of mine to the rock climbing gym. I could only climb for about an hour before my arms were like jelly and I had blisters all over my hands. But wow, so much fun! Today I am wicked sore. I love it and can't wait to go again.
I'm still creating a piece of art everyday. It's been an amazing process, which continually reveals hidden and unknown parts of myself. Most of the art I create is collage, but I've also been into drawing, doodling, scribbling and painting. Believe it or not scribbling takes practice. A lot of my art this year has been about affirming my intentions to create more art, keep my heart open, recognize vulnerability as my strength and beauty, and to value my experience whatever that experience is.
I'd love to hear from you. Keep me posted on all the exciting things that are happening and how things are progressing for you.
I'm sitting here at my desk looking out onto blue skies and a bright sunny day. From my apartment I look out over the tops of the trees and I can see the bay. We have headed into a deep freeze here. When I left my apartment this morning at 6am it was 10 degrees. I've acclimated to the cold, but it was still pretty shocking.
Last week I noticed that I had unconsciously slipped from my intention to create some piece of art everyday. My art journal ended up under a pile of things to do and bills, and I got sucked back into the day-to-day patterns that I'm familiar with. Out of the blue I got an email from a friend inviting me on an art date, which immediately re-connected me with my New Year's Intention: Create More Art. Make More Love. We met at a cafe in Central Square with our art supplies and spent a couple of hours drinking coffee and collaging. It was a delightful way to spend a cold Saturday afternoon.
When I got home I recommitted to doing some kind of art everyday. I cleaned off my desk, re-organized my art supplies and started fresh. I've created a piece of art everyday since then. I'm sure I will stray again from my intention. It's part of the nature of creating new pathways of creativity and developing ways of being that cultivate an ability to thrive.
Come, Come, Whoever You Are
Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.
It doesn't matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow
a thousand times
Come, yet again, come, come.
--Rumi
How are you doing with your intentions? This is statistically the time when the excitement of our intentions fades and we slip back in to old ways. If that has happened compassionately recommit and start again. Or create a new intention. If you are still going strong then keep going!
Read the poem above and remember that no matter how many times you stray you are always welcome back on your path. Always.
You can see a gallery of my collages on the new Sacred Tremor Facebook page.
Eating Experiment:
I started this new diet, which is basically that I can eat anything I want and as much of it as I want. Sounds pretty good right? Let me back up. A couple weeks ago I got an email from a friend with a link to this program put on by Whole Foods called Health Starts Here. First, I'm not really a dieter. I'm more of an experimenter on different ways of eating or not eating. I'm always exploring different ways that I can eat healthier and feel better. So out of curiosity I clicked on the link and signed up for the 28 day Eat Right America Challenge (information is below).
I receive one email a day telling me what the next step is. I'm really getting a lot of out it. But like most things, I read the information and I take my time integrating it into my life (and make up my own rules). What I like about this program is that it's not dogmatic and it's not complicated. It's clear and simple information that can be incorporated into your life, and it gives lots of delicious recipes.
In the past I've always experimented from the place of elimination-- no sugar, no dairy, no caffeine, no meat, no wheat, no carbs, no blah blah blah. This time I'm experimenting with not giving up anything. Here's what I've come up with: I can eat anything I want and as much of it as I want as long as I eat everything that my body requires daily-- greens, grains, beans, veggies, liquid, etc.. This program actually graphs out how much of each category your body needs. I've been doing it for a week now and I feel great so far. I haven't had pizza once not because I'm not allowed to have it but because my cravings for pizza have gone away, which for those of you who know me know that this is just shy of a flippin miracle.
Let me know if you sign up for it and how it goes. I will keep you informed on my progress, as well.
Health Starts Here program at Whole Foods
Enter this code: CERAFLTPA
It's a wicked crazy winter wonderland here in Boston. Right now I'm sitting at my desk and outside there is a fresh 10 inches of snow from yesterday, but it's ice that's coming down now. The ice is supposed to turn into rain and then freeze tonight. I love that just by simply leaving my house I am immediately on an adventure! I've already fallen on the ice twice this year. The first time I fell I saw the ice, I told myself to be careful and then immediately slipped and fell. The second time I just wasn't paying attention. I had my arms full of yoga mats, headphones in my ears and I was thinking up a storm when all of a sudden I was on my ass.
Sitting there on the ice with the mats all around me and wondering if I had broken anything I thought to myself, "Rog, get out of your head. Pay attention!" I went home and sat down (on my left cheek, the one not bruised) and I pondered what the practice of mindfulness is. Mindfulness has always seemed so distant and difficult and, in some ways, unreachable especially inside my scattered brain. It occurred to me that it's actually quite simple. Mindfulness is the practice of just simply noticing what's present in the moment without judgement. In every moment there is a lot going on.
If I were to practice right now it would look something like this:
I have a cashew stuck in one of my teeth and my tongue is working hard to get it out. I can hear the sound of typing. There's the actual sound of the keys and then there is the sound of my fingers hitting the keys. I can also hear the ice as it hits the window and a siren off in the distance. My lower back is aching a little from sitting all morning. There is a tightened place in the center my chest that is causing my breath to be slightly constricted. I have a lot of energy stirring up my mind. I feel joyful, but when I close my eyes I'm also aware of an unreachable sadness that's tucked away inside the tightness of my chest... and so on and so forth....
That's the practice-- becoming aware of what's present without the judgement or opinion of the mind. Give it a try. Right now take a moment to notice what you notice.
Scan your senses.
What do you see, hear, taste and smell?
What are the physcial sensations in your body?
There will be some obvious things. See if you can tune in to some of the more subtle things. Can you hear the sound of your breathing? If it's appropriate (meaning that your not driving or running heavy machinery) close your eyes and notice again.
Practice this often. It can be as simple as taking a conscious breath or taking 30 seconds to notice what's around you.... and when the sidewalks are covered in ice for heaven's sake pay attention!
This much I do Remember
Billy Collins
It was after dinner.
You were talking to me across the table
about something or other,
a greyhound you had seen that day
or a song you liked,
and I was looking past you
over your bare shoulder
at the three oranges lying
on the kitchen counter
next to the small electric bean grinder,
which was also orange,
and the orange and white cruets for vinegar and oil.
Alll of which converged
into a random still life,
so fastened together by the hasp of color,
and so fixed behind the animated
foreground of your
talking and smiling,
gesturing and pouring wine,
and the camber of you shoulders
that I could feel it being painted within me,
brushed on the wall of my skull,
while the tone of your voice
lifted and fell in its flight,
and the three oranges
remained fixed on the counter
the way that stars are said
to be fixed in the universe.
Then all of the moments of the past
began to line up behind that moment
and all of the moments to come
assembled in front of it in a long row,
giving me reason to believe
that this was a moment I had rescued
from millions that rush out of sight
into a darkness behind the eyes.
Even after I have forgotten what year it is,
my middle name,
and the meaning of money,
I will still carry in my pocket
the small coin of that moment,
minted in the kingdom
that we pace through every day.
