PRACTICING/mindfulness

photo by Jimmy Hickey

It's a wicked crazy winter wonderland here in Boston. Right now I'm sitting at my desk and outside there is a fresh 10 inches of snow from yesterday, but it's ice that's coming down now. The ice is supposed to turn into rain and then freeze tonight. I love that just by simply leaving my house I am immediately on an adventure! I've already fallen on the ice twice this year. The first time I fell I saw the ice, I told myself to be careful and then immediately slipped and fell. The second time I just wasn't paying attention. I had my arms full of yoga mats, headphones in my ears and I was thinking up a storm when all of a sudden I was on my ass.

Sitting there on the ice with the mats all around me and wondering if I had broken anything I thought to myself, "Rog, get out of your head. Pay attention!" I went home and sat down (on my left cheek, the one not bruised) and I pondered what the practice of mindfulness is. Mindfulness has always seemed so distant and difficult and, in some ways, unreachable especially inside my scattered brain. It occurred to me that it's actually quite simple. Mindfulness is the practice of just simply noticing what's present in the moment without judgement. In every moment there is a lot going on.

If I were to practice right now it would look something like this:

I have a cashew stuck in one of my teeth and my tongue is working hard to get it out. I can hear the sound of typing. There's the actual sound of the keys and then there is the sound of my fingers hitting the keys. I can also hear the ice as it hits the window and a siren off in the distance. My lower back is aching a little from sitting all morning. There is a tightened place in the center my chest that is causing my breath to be slightly constricted. I have a lot of energy stirring up my mind. I feel joyful, but when I close my eyes I'm also aware of an unreachable sadness that's tucked away inside the tightness of my chest... and so on and so forth....

That's the practice-- becoming aware of what's present without the judgement or opinion of the mind. Give it a try. Right now take a moment to notice what you notice.

Scan your senses.

What do you see, hear, taste and smell?

What are the physcial sensations in your body?

There will be some obvious things. See if you can tune in to some of the more subtle things. Can you hear the sound of your breathing? If it's appropriate (meaning that your not driving or running heavy machinery) close your eyes and notice again.

Practice this often. It can be as simple as taking a conscious breath or taking 30 seconds to notice what's around you.... and when the sidewalks are covered in ice for heaven's sake pay attention!

THIS/much

This much I do Remember
Billy Collins

It was after dinner.
You were talking to me across the table
about something or other,
a greyhound you had seen that day
or a song you liked,

and I was looking past you
over your bare shoulder
at the three oranges lying
on the kitchen counter
next to the small electric bean grinder,
which was also orange,
and the orange and white cruets for vinegar and oil.

Alll of which converged
into a random still life,
so fastened together by the hasp of color,
and so fixed behind the animated
foreground of your
talking and smiling,
gesturing and pouring wine,
and the camber of you shoulders

that I could feel it being painted within me,
brushed on the wall of my skull,
while the tone of your voice
lifted and fell in its flight,
and the three oranges
remained fixed on the counter
the way that stars are said
to be fixed in the universe.

Then all of the moments of the past
began to line up behind that moment
and all of the moments to come
assembled in front of it in a long row,
giving me reason to believe
that this was a moment I had rescued
from millions that rush out of sight
into a darkness behind the eyes.

Even after I have forgotten what year it is,
my middle name,
and the meaning of money,
I will still carry in my pocket
the small coin of that moment,
minted in the kingdom
that we pace through every day.

TWO/experiments

Over the past couple of months I've been developing some "rules" or experiments for my classes. I'm beginning to see that these are actually experiements that can be applied to life on and off the yoga mat. I invite you try out these experiments for the next week.

Experiment #1 : Participate Fully

Show up as best you can in every moment. Don't give more than 100% and don't give any less. Notice how you show up in your yoga practice and in your life. Are you the Type A, pitta driven, over-achieving, perfectionist type? Your practice of participating fully might be to ease up, slow down and relax. Or are you the Type B, Kapha relaxed, restistant-to-new-things, I don't like to be challenged type? Then your practice will be to engage more, take your poses to the next level and take some risks.

Experiment #2 : Have fun

Enjoy yourself as best you can. Lighten up. Smile more. Choose more of the things that bring you joy. It doesn't mean that you have to be having fun in every moment of your life. It's an invitation to gather more enjoyment out of the overall experience of your life. Apply this rule especially when you are doing something that you typically don't enjoy. Can you find something within the experience that you can enjoy?

The key here is to experiment. Be curious. Engage in your life in new ways that allow you thrive and experience greater happiness and contentment.

MOUNTAIN/pose

TADASANA : MOUNTAIN POSE

A while back I got a newsy kind of email from my dear friend Tony who, at the time, had been practicing yoga for about a year. In this email he told me about his breakfast, what he was doing later that evening and about his yoga practice that morning. In the middle of this chatty email he writes this brilliant and beautiful description of tadasana. This, my friends, is what mountain pose is all about:

Tadasana

by Anthony Quaglieri, Ph.D

I actually got my yoga practice in today. It was satisfactory and challenging enough. I move from tadasana to standing poses to forward folds, to backbends to shoulder stand, to head stand preparation, to twists, to savasana. I don't over do it. I just do my best in each pose. I'm building a separate tadasana practice. I've added on another minute. I stand in an engaged tadasana for 4 minutes, and by the 3rd minute I am in another land, breathing and holding the pose. I still think it's the hardest pose - being a conduit between the center of the earth and the center of heaven, opening myself as an aligned channel of energy between two points. Engaging each foot completely on the ground in a willing marriage of non-gripping contact. Exerting equal effort in planting down while rising up. Isn't this what we want from life? To be completely engaged with that which nurtures/supports us while fully rising up at the same time, reaching for the sky with our crown chakra? Why shouldn't this be the most effort of all? To be simultaneously engaged with the fully known ground and the unknown vastness of the sky and all it has to offer, and letting the mind just go and the breath be the engine. I think taking tadasana is the best discipline of all. To keep as much engagement and alignment as I can. When one thing goes, I correct it and then another thing goes and I correct it, and then, maybe for a half second, I have everything engaged and aligned, and I know it in an unattached ego way, I just feel intense pleasure. To let my body float in an effort toward greater alignment in the pose, knowing that there is no pose, just the reaching toward it. This is so powerful, the conscious acceptance that there is nothing to get, just effort toward a best practice in a particular moment in time with a clear earnest intention to do my best and see where it takes me. To let go of waiting for the alarm to go off and turn it INSTEAD into 'how much more time do I have to see if I can keep my knees and chest lifted, my shoulders broad and my feet engaged - how much more time do I have to be in this effort to rise up and perhaps have a second of effortlessness, where I just 'be' without wanting to be somewhere else - without waiting for the 4 minute alarm to go off - without having to remind myself to breathe - without caring if I'm doing a good job. What a life lesson is one pose.

THE/way

The Way It Is

There's a thread you follow. It goes among

things that change. But it doesn't change.

People wonder about what you are pursuing.

You have to explain about the thread.

But it is hard for others to see.

While you hold it you can't get lost.

Tragedies happen; people get hurt

or die; and you suffer and get old.

Nothing you do can stop time's unfolding.

You don't ever let go of the thread.

– William Stafford (1914-1993)

DWELL/possibility

This past weekend I took the train to Central Square to pick up some magazines for the Yoga and Art workshop I led at South Boston Yoga. As I stepped out of the station I saw a woman slowly making her way down the sidewalk witha walker. She stepped one foot about 6 inches forward. Then stepped the other foot up to meet it. Then pushed the walker forward. Then stepped one foot about 6 inches forward, stepped the other foot up to meet it and pushed the walker forward. This went on and on. My normal fast pace instantly slowed down. As I passed her I made eye contact with her and she smiled. There was nothing in her gaze or her smile that told me anything other than that she was happy. In fact, her eyes sparkled.

As I continued on to my friend's house I had tears running down my face thinking about the effort that it must require for this woman to simply leave her home and walk down the street. It is beyond what I'm actually able to comprehend given the ease at which I've always been in my body. What I do understand, however, is that beyond the limits of what we think brings us happiness is another way of being that allows for limitless joy. And that is the practice of being present with whatever our current experience is and learning to love what is. The Buddhist believe that all suffering comes from when we resist the truth of our reality.

Begin to notice thoughts that begin with "I wish" or "if only." They are flags that tell us that we haven't accepted the reality of what is true. Instead, when you have those thoughts replace them with "I will" or "I am." These words hold space for what is true in this moment while recognizing that change and growth are an inevitable and necessary part on this path towards wholeness.

What truth are you resisting in your life? What's one thing you can do to start to accept it?

HOME/practice

A very dear friend of mine came to me a few months ago and asked me to help him find some yoga postures and stretches that would help him find more flexibility and comfort in him body. I met with him just a few times and set up a simple 20 minute routine for him to practice. He fell in love with the sequence of postures so much that he practiced daily. The last time we met for a yoga session he asked me to just simply witness him in his practice and to give any feed back on how he might make adjustments. It was an extraordinary experience for me to just simply witness him because what I saw was how he took the postures I gave him and he made them his own. He integrated them into his body and allowed them to unfold into a unique expression of who he is.

A few days ago I received this email from him. It made me cry knowing that this extraordinary practice of Yoga has helped him to find greater comfort and joy in his body:

Roger, you know, I haven’t been to my gym in two months, or longer, not since I’ve been doing yoga every day. Dave and I went over today on our snow day. I started off on this cross-trainer I always do; I can never really get the cross-trainer all the way to the end of the stride (it’s like a cross-country skiing kind of stride)—I can if I really push myself, but it always feels like too wide a stretch for my hips, so I usually stay kind of in the middle.

Well today I got on the machine and WHAM I went all the way to the end of the range of motion so hard that it sounded like I broke the machine; people were staring at me. I thought, ‘there’s something wrong with this machine; it’s too floppy,’ and switched to another cross trainer of the same model. The same thing happened. I switched to the third machine and then I realized there was nothing wrong with the machines. The range of motion was the same it had always been and so was the resistance. What changed, dramatically, were my hips. My hips used to be so tight I couldn’t really move all the way to the end of the range of motion without straining, and now they’re so much looser that unless I pull it back, I go all the way off the edge of the machine.

It’s just miraculous how daily yoga (and I mean a little daily yoga—20 minutes...) changes the body over time!

VITAL/ity

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening

that is translated into action,

and because there is only one of you in all time,

this expression is unique.

If you block it,

it will never exist through any other medium

and be lost.

The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is;

nor how valuable it is;

nor how it compares with other expressions.

It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly,

to keep the channel open.

You do not have to believe in yourself or your work.

You have to keep open and aware directly

to the urges that motivate you.

Keep the channel open.

No artist is pleased.

There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.

There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction;

a blessed unrest that keeps us marching

and makes us more alive than the others.

Martha Graham to Agnes DeMille

CREATE/art

Since my New Year's Day Personal Retreat I have been creating more art and doing more things to inspire me live a more creative and fulfulling life. There have been several things that have helped me move forward.

1. Create an intention. What do you want to inspire in your life? What makes you thive? What are you trying to cultivate? Write these questions down and then write stream of consciousness whatever comes to your mind. Take what you have written and try to pull out the essence in a few words or a phrase.

My intention this year is summed up like this "Create more art. Make more love." I have a larger explaination in my journal about what that actually means. When I see those words it reminds me of my intention.

2. Put your intention some where you can see daily. Tack it to a mirror or the fridge, hang it on the wall, put it on your dashboard. Put it anywhere you are likely to see it often.

The above picture I created in my journal. I printed it out and put it on my altar. I have it on my facebook page. And now I'm passing it along to you. "Create more art" has become my mantra.

3. Water regularly and watch it grow. Whatever your intention is make a point of bringing it more into your consciousness and into your life. Read books and articles about it. Watch videos (youtube and TED are great resources for short, digestible videos that inspire). Write about it. Talk about your intentions with your friends, your family, your co-workers.

I have my colored pencils, markers, paints and brushes, and my journal on my desk readily available. I've made an intention to put something in my art journal everyday. Today was one of those days where I felt completely uninspired. I opened up my journal and I drew a straight line across the page with a black marker. I sat there and just looked at it. Then I drew another line. and then another. and before I knew it I was using different colors and moving beyond straight lines. All in all i spent 10 minutes. The art itself wasn't anything to write home about, but the satisfaction I got from sticking to my intention lightened my mood and set my mind right. Well, as right as my mind can get!!

4. Get support. Tell your best friend or someone you trust what you are cultivating in your life. Ask them to help you by reminding you of your intention. Ask them to ask you about your progress. Talk to them about your successes your challenges, your joys and sorrow.

I have two very close friends who are huge sources of inspiration for me and they hold my intention for me when I slip away from it. And all of you help me hold to my intention. Every week I sit down to write this newsletter, which is an artful and satisfying process for me. It allows me to be creative and it helps me to feel connected to you.

I found this great passage on the tinybuddha.com website:

"We have to open our hearts to other people knowing they may not open up in return; give what we can when we can knowing it may not always be reciprocated; go after our dreams knowing sometimes we may fail; and through all the uncertainty, nurture a love for ourselves that doesn't depend on our conditions. We have to create from love if we want to create something we'll love."

Remember that making significant change requires practice. You will sometimes succeed and sometimes fail. Keep moving towards you intention regardless.

BEAUTIFUL/people

During my last trip to New York I stayed at a friend’s apartment in Chelsea. This sign hung above the gate as you exited the courtyard and entered the streets of New York City.

DRAW/mouse

In preparation for my New Year's Day Personal Retreat I took myself to the local art store in Cambridge. I spent a couple of hours walking the aisles. I looked at and touched just about everything in that place. I doodled with the pens, peeked inside tins and imagined all the things I could create. I only had a small budget so I had to choose carefully. Part of my intention for this year is to step out of the box as an artist and to eliminate some self-limiting beliefs around my own creativity. Most of us have those thoughts that lurk in the shadows of our mind especially when it comes to self-expression. It's the thoughts that begin with "I am not," or "I could never." You know, the basic "I suck at..." kind of thoughts. Just simply looking at the art supplies the voices started to squeak and whine.

On New Year's Day I got all of my art supplies out and sat down to artfully record my intentions for 2011 in my brand new journal. I Immediately felt over-whelmed. The voices started. The blank page stared at me like a gremlin. Then I looked up at my altar and saw a quote I had tacked up a month ago: Repond non-habitually to what’s in front of you. Then I remembered something that changed the way I create art.

Years ago I worked at a day care. I was in charge of a dozen 3 - 5 year olds. Can you imagine? I could tell you many crazy stories. One day I was sitting with two boys and we were coloring with crayons. (The other 10 were running around screaming and doing what 3 - 5 years old do best: romp!)

The one boy, Jordon, asked me if I would draw him a mouse. It went something like this:

"Roger, will draw me a mouse," Jordon asked.

"I can't draw a mouse," I thought to myself, but I didn't want to admit it to him so I said, "You draw me a mouse."

"No, you draw me a mouse," Jordon replied.

It went on and on for a few rounds before the other boy spoke up, "I can draw a mouse!"

We both looked at him.

He grabbed his crayon and scribbled a few wild and irregular circles and lines. "See!," he pointed proudly.

"See, there's a mouse," Jordon responded satisfied.

Now let me tell you that not by any stretch of the imagination was that a mouse, but there wasn't any doubt in my mind or in Jordon's mind that what was on the paper was a mouse.

----------

I walked out of the art store with:

~1 tin of 24 colored pencils

~a Winsor Newton watercolor starters kit

~12 colored sharpies

~2 fine tipped black pens

~2 watercolor paint brushes

~8.5 x 11 spiral bound art journal

~2 small containers of micro-fine art glitter

ROGER WRITES | Be Aware. Be Awake.

Suheir Hammad writes:

Do not be depressed. Depression is a weight we cannot afford to carry right now. There are plans to make, and hopefully, plans to put in action. Why are so many people voting against their best interests in favor of letting fear guide their politics? Fear has won this round. We will need all our resources not to fall to it. There is nothing to be gained from becoming the victim of a weight that is not ours to carry. Breathe - sigh. And get that dirt off your shoulders.

While I am constantly shocked and awed by what a few people are doing with the power they have, I feel like I pretty much know what I’m working with here. We must practice Fortitude. Compassion. We must remember this country has always had a radical tradition of dissent. This will be the legacy we leave. We will be even louder. Write even better. Live even fuller. We will not be bought into a de-habilitating stupor. We will not be medicated beyond awareness. Alongside that fear you are feeling, is an adrenaline rush. We know now, it is the very soul of our planet and collective humanity we are trying to save. Nothing less.

Do not be depressed. Be aware. Be awake. Be resistant. Be your ancestors. Be your future. Be alive. Be alive.

In the first line of her first poem in Mary Oliver's new book she writes, What can I say that I have not said before? So I'll say it again.

So.

What can I say that has not already been said. Do not be depressed. Be aware. Be awake. Be resistant. Be your ancestors. Be your future. Be alive. Be alive. Take this to heart and begin it. Stand up for the things that are important to you. Let go of the things that bog you down. Jump up and down for joy. Give yourself permission to experience unrestrained excitement! Get out your book of gratitude and start your list. It will be long. Write your name at the top of that list.

Get out your scissors, your glue, crayons, paint, brushes, needle & thread and make art. It might be a big blue dot in the center of the page. It might turn out bad. Who cares! Stimulate your creativity in anyway you can. You are worth it. Spend more time believing that.

It's been said before and in many ways. Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" (Mary Oliver). What do you want to remember about your life when the dark shadow comes to your door? You will most likely not wish that you spent more time at the office, worrying about the future, shopping, etc.. The things you want to remember are the times you laughed so hard you almost peed your pants (or maybe you did!), the most amazing sunset that turned the ocean to gold, the days you spent making art with your best friend... You know what I'm saying.  It's been said before.

What turns you on? What makes you come alive? 

Here's the start of my list:

-the color magenta and things that sparkle

-arts & crafts

-thrift store shopping

-lighting candles and listening to music

-hiking in the mountains

HAPPY/solstice

I returned to Boston yesterday from an incredible weekend in Tampa. When I stepped out of the airport the snow was coming down in large, joyful flakes. The snow continued to come down all the way into the night. As I lay in bed last night with the snow blanketing the world outside I hugged the covers up 'round my neck and I read from Mary Oliver's new book of poetry, Swan. Every poem in this book is an instruction on being present to the incredible mystery of life and on waking up to the infinite amount of joy available everyday if we just pay attention! I admire Mary Oliver's wit, honesty and example. When I read the above poem-- for the umpteenth time-- I cried. I cried because I have a beautiful life and because I sometimes forget just how incredible life is.

Today is the Solstice-- the darkest night of the year. I'm celebrating today by keeping track of all the things that I'm grateful for. I'm carrying around my gratitude journal and everytime something happens that I'm grateful for I write it down. Everytime I remember something that I'm grateful for from this past year or from my long lived life I write it down. The list is growing and growing. Things that I never thought I'd be grateful for are suddenly ending up on the list. The most profound thing that I'm realizing is that there is actually nothing that I'm not grateful for. Nothing. When I had this thought a few hours ago I wrote on a new page of my journal: Things I'm NOT grateful for. Everytime I've gone to write something on that list I realized that there was actually something in that to be grateful for and I added it to the gratitude list.

"Joy is not made to be a crumb," and neither is gratitude. As the year comes to an end I encourage you to get a journal and write on the front of it: GRATITUDE. Write in it everyday. It doesn't matter how small or large the feeling of gratitude. Write it down. And when you write down someone's name in this list let them know in someway-- a card, a phone call, a text. When you see your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors hug them and say, "I'm so grateful for you."

If you were next to me right now I'd be wrapping my arms around you and whispering in your ear, "I'm so grateful for you!"