It's Tuesday, I think. I'm sitting at a cafe in Boston drinking green tea, listening to music and watching the rain. Spring has finally arrived. The trees have started to blossom and pop with green. Ahhhh, it gives me hope that warmer weather is on the way. I love these kinds of cozy rainy days. I'm an extrovert, an enneagram 7, a nomad, a pisces, and I'm pitta driven. I'm naturally drawn out into the world. The low clouds and drizzle are a welcome invitation for me to tune in to what's happening inside, to be more reflective.
Even amidst the bustling noise of people talking, the sounds of coffee brewing and the general noise of the city all I have to do is close my eyes and everything is available-- joy, sadness, excitement, trepidation, fear, curiosity, confusion. I sit with it all. At first it's a little overwhelming, but I simply take a deep breathe and discover what's underneath of all of that. Dana Faulds says, "go in and in and turn away from nothing that you find." So. I go in. And I go in. There's the wound of an old love. There's the excitement of a new adventure. There's the death of Knavin and ultimately the fear of my own death. There's fear and confidence both resting in the nest of my heart.
I'm still learning about vulnerability. I wrestle with insecurity. Am I good enough? Isn't that something we all wrestle with in some way? In Brene Brown's Ted talk on vulnerability she says, "what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful." I try to remember that as I move through the world, but it's not always easy. Fortunately, I'm not looking for easy. I'm looking for what's true, and though that can be difficult the truth is what makes me feel safe, connected and sometimes vulnerable. She goes on to say that when you numb the hard feelings you simulanteously cut yourself off from joy and happiness.
So. Saying that...
I'm leaving Boston this Friday and moving to Easton Mountain for the summer to volunteer, to be out in nature, to be in community with other gay men, to deepen my own personal spiritual practice and to do some necessary inner work. Easton Mountain is truly a sanctuary. It's nestled into the mountains. There are huge gardens, an art pavilion, lake, swimming pool, sauna, trails and three healthy yummy cooked meals everyday.
I've re-engaged my blog, which I plan to update often with pictures, writings and other inspirations. Please check in often to see what kind of trouble I'm getting myself into this summer. And if you have time please drop me a note to say hello and tell me of your own adventures and meanderings.