DAY/one

It's April 23rd. I woke up this morning to a surprise snow storm. I was delighted, and I celebrated the magical quality that a spring snow storm offers. I walked out of my room and down to the lodge to teach a yoga class. The resident yoga instructor is out of town and I volunteered to teach. Part of my intention for being here is to love and to serve.

ARRIVE/easton

I arrived at Easton Mountain today. Immediately upon arriving a dear friend asked me to go for a walk. We strolled along a trail that meandered around the lake. Easton Mountain is far away from everything. The quiet of the woods was at first a bit overwhelming. After I settled into the initial quiet I noticed how it wasn't quiet at all. The frogs were making their loud sounds, the wind in the trees, unidentified bird sounds, scampering. Karl pointed out some birds and identified their call. And then I heard it-- the sound of my own breathing! This is exactly what my soul needs right now. Quiet. Time to unplug, to unravel and to integrate. I am happy to be here. I am home.

SUMMER/blog

Spring in the Boston Common

It's Tuesday, I think. I'm sitting at a cafe in Boston drinking green tea, listening to music and watching the rain. Spring has finally arrived. The trees have started to blossom and pop with green. Ahhhh, it gives me hope that warmer weather is on the way. I love these kinds of cozy rainy days. I'm an extrovert, an enneagram 7, a nomad, a pisces, and I'm pitta driven. I'm naturally drawn out into the world. The low clouds and drizzle are a welcome invitation for me to tune in to what's happening inside, to be more reflective.

Even amidst the bustling noise of people talking, the sounds of coffee brewing and the general noise of the city all I have to do is close my eyes and everything is available-- joy, sadness, excitement, trepidation, fear, curiosity, confusion. I sit with it all. At first it's a little overwhelming, but I simply take a deep breathe and discover what's underneath of all of that. Dana Faulds says, "go in and in and turn away from nothing that you find." So. I go in. And I go in. There's the wound of an old love. There's the excitement of a new adventure. There's the death of Knavin and ultimately the fear of my own death. There's fear and confidence both resting in the nest of my heart.

I'm still learning about vulnerability. I wrestle with insecurity. Am I good enough? Isn't that something we all wrestle with in some way? In Brene Brown's Ted talk on vulnerability she says, "what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful." I try to remember that as I move through the world, but it's not always easy. Fortunately, I'm not looking for easy. I'm looking for what's true, and though that can be difficult the truth is what makes me feel safe, connected and sometimes vulnerable. She goes on to say that when you numb the hard feelings you simulanteously cut yourself off from joy and happiness.

So. Saying that...

I'm leaving Boston this Friday and moving to Easton Mountain for the summer to volunteer, to be out in nature, to be in community with other gay men, to deepen my own personal spiritual practice and to do some necessary inner work. Easton Mountain is truly a sanctuary. It's nestled into the mountains. There are huge gardens, an art pavilion, lake, swimming pool, sauna, trails and three healthy yummy cooked meals everyday.

I've re-engaged my blog, which I plan to update often with pictures, writings and other inspirations. Please check in often to see what kind of trouble I'm getting myself into this summer. And if you have time please drop me a note to say hello and tell me of your own adventures and meanderings.

RABBIT/truth

What Is Real?
Margery Williams, From The Velveteen Rabbit

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when he and the Skin Horse were lying side by side near the nursery fender….

“REAL isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful

IMAGINING/spring

Spring is slowly approaching. Very slowly. I love the anticipation and how there's a daily presentation of something new. The other day I went to the Arboretum in Jamaica Plain with an old friend. We climbed trees and rejoiced in blue skies and the light, warm air. Then yesterday I saw crocuses poking up through a remaining patch of snow. Today it was 40 degrees, then it snowed, then it turned into sunny blue skies, and now it's 32 degrees and dropping. Oh what a smorgasbord of wonder nature offers New England!

I've been in Boston almost 6 months now, and I feel like I'm finally arriving here. Im making friends, I don't get lost as often and my yoga clases at South Boston Yoga are going great!

My new years commitment to create more art and make more love has changed the way I see and relate to the world. More and more I see the world as an interactive museum of art that asks me to touch and smell and look and listen; invites me to play and take delight. Everyday I fall in love with something or someone. Creating more art has also helped me to see, feel and accept my sorrows, my challenges and my fears. It has helped me to gracefully surrender to life just as it is.

And isn't that the practice of yoga? Doing more and more of the things that bring joy, inspiration and contentment while accepting that life has ups and downs, moments of connection with times of isolation, times when we stand on top of the world and times when we enter the cave of grief.

David Whyte says, "Absent the edge we drown in numbness." Just like in the physical practice of yoga we meet the edge of a stretch and we are invited to linger and to wait. Eventually-- in that moment or maybe months down the road-- something loosens, something shifts and that muscle lets go a little, that heart ache softens, that resistance to life disappears. If the edge is too painful then it's time to back off a little, come out of the pose or take a break. Then when we are ready we come back to the edge and explore again.

The spring equinox is approaching. This is a great time to reflect upon the first quarter of the year. How have you been doing with your new years intentions? What has inspired you? What has challenged you? Perhaps it's time to re-commit to your intentions, or maybe it's time to create a new intention for this next quarter of the year. Remember to reflect with compassion.

Wishing everyone a happy and joyful seasonal transition! Happy Spring.

DEEPEST/fear

Our Deepest Fear

Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of god. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory that is within us. And as we let our light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

CONTAGIOUS/joy

I was in Tampa last weekend with 40 awesome students who are in The Lotus Pond Yoga Teaching Training. Wow. Amazing. One of things that inspired me from the weekend is “Contagious Joy.” It has become my mantra for the week, and I'm taking it with me into my weekend. Have you ever noticed how joy really is contagious?

The day after the workshop I was sitting outside at a cafe drinking, um, tea. Yeah, tea. There was a couple sitting near me and they were laughing and laughing and carrying on about something. I have no idea what it was about, but I was completely drawn in. I was smiling real big and on the verge of laughing myself. One of them looked up and caught me staring and smiling. There was a moment of pause before we both burst out in spontaneous laughter. We didn't say anything to each other. They carried on with their conversation, and I sat there smiling and chuckling to myself-- about nothing. I closed my eyes and noticed the joyful feeling in my body. There it was that tingling sensation, that feeling of connection.

So, I've been thinking about it. If joy is contagious then it probably means that other feelings are contagious: confidence, peacefulness and love as well as their opposites: fear, negativity and aggression. You probably know people who make you feel good in some way just by being around them; and there are others who make you feel anxious or irritated in some way without saying a word.

We communicate with people in various different ways. In fact, only 15 percent of how we communicate is verbal. The biggest factors are body language, facial expressions and eye contact. Oftentimes, we are not even aware it, which is one of the huge benefits of practicing yoga-- it puts us in touch with our body and gives us access to the feelings that show up. Those feelings that show up in our body can be happening underneath of our conscious awareness and because the body speaks those feelings are expressed and interpreted. Whether we are aware of it or not we easily pick up on what body language. The more you are aware how feelings, thoughts and emotions are expressed in your body the more you start to understand and trust your gut feeling.

What is your body saying right now? Listen. Listen. It's telling you everything important that you need to know.

SIMPLE WAYS YOGA CAN HELP YOU:

Use your yoga practice to cultivate deeper awareness and find balance. For example, If you have a tendency to roll the shoulders forward or you want to be more open-hearted practice more back bends. If you want to cultivate more joy in your life put on some fun music, throw your arms in the air and dance! Let that be your yoga. If you're feeling chaotic or ungrounded practice poses that focus on the feet, forward folds or twists. If you want more adventure sign up for an arm balancing workshop or take a dance class.

THE/swan

The Swan

by Mary Oliver

Across the wide waters

something comes

floating—a slim

and delicate

ship, filled

with white flowers—

and it moves

on its miraculous muscles

as though time didn’t exist,

as though bringing such gifts

to the dry shore

was a happiness

almost beyond bearing.

And now it turns its dark eyes,

it rearranges

the clouds of its wings,

it trails

an elaborate webbed foot,

the color of charcoal.

Soon it will be here.

Oh, what shall I do

when the poppy-colored beak

rests in my hand?

Said Mrs. Blake of the poet:

I miss my husband’s company—

he is so often

In paradise.

Of course! the path to heaven

doesn’t lie down in flat miles.

It’s in the imagination

with which you perceive

this world,

and the gestures

with which you honor it.

Oh, what will I do, what will I say when those

white wings

touch the shore?

INSIDE/outside

Inside and Outside

Duane Michaels

Inside and outside her head, a billion, trillion stars, beyond count, circled and exploded. A million frogs croaked, trees fell in forests echoing down valleys; children cried. The flux of everything throbbed on and on. Songs were heard in spheres within spheres, electric, crackle, sharp. She heard nothing. How could she, when not once had she even heard the sound of her own breathing?

ART/climbing

I'm writing this from a cafe that's a 15 minute walk from my apartment. It's a lovely place. The young folk who work here are friendly, and the coffee is organic, sustainable and tasty. Um, did I say coffee? Yup, I sure did. After moving to Boston I fell off the no-coffee wagon and now enjoy a cup every morning. Maybe that's the real reason why I've been in this unstoppable good mood! (insert flashy winking emoticon here). A good friend of mine said to me once, "I like you better when you drink coffee."

For the past week my body has been craving hard physical work. I get a lot of exercise daily. I walk everywhere I go. I practice yoga. I dance. I dry brush--a lot of work if you do the way I do it. But my body has been craving more. So. Yesterday, I dragged a friend of mine to the rock climbing gym. I could only climb for about an hour before my arms were like jelly and I had blisters all over my hands. But wow, so much fun! Today I am wicked sore. I love it and can't wait to go again.

I'm still creating a piece of art everyday. It's been an amazing process, which continually reveals hidden and unknown parts of myself. Most of the art I create is collage, but I've also been into drawing, doodling, scribbling and painting. Believe it or not scribbling takes practice. A lot of my art this year has been about affirming my intentions to create more art, keep my heart open, recognize vulnerability as my strength and beauty, and to value my experience whatever that experience is.

I'd love to hear from you. Keep me posted on all the exciting things that are happening and how things are progressing for you.

ANDREW/bird

IN/tentions

I'm sitting here at my desk looking out onto blue skies and a bright sunny day. From my apartment I look out over the tops of the trees and I can see the bay. We have headed into a deep freeze here. When I left my apartment this morning at 6am it was 10 degrees. I've acclimated to the cold, but it was still pretty shocking.

Last week I noticed that I had unconsciously slipped from my intention to create some piece of art everyday. My art journal ended up under a pile of things to do and bills, and I got sucked back into the day-to-day patterns that I'm familiar with. Out of the blue I got an email from a friend inviting me on an art date, which immediately re-connected me with my New Year's Intention: Create More Art. Make More Love. We met at a cafe in Central Square with our art supplies and spent a couple of hours drinking coffee and collaging. It was a delightful way to spend a cold Saturday afternoon.

When I got home I recommitted to doing some kind of art everyday. I cleaned off my desk, re-organized my art supplies and started fresh. I've created a piece of art everyday since then. I'm sure I will stray again from my intention. It's part of the nature of creating new pathways of creativity and developing ways of being that cultivate an ability to thrive.

Come, Come, Whoever You Are

Wonderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.
It doesn't matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow
a thousand times
Come, yet again, come, come.

--Rumi

How are you doing with your intentions? This is statistically the time when the excitement of our intentions fades and we slip back in to old ways. If that has happened compassionately recommit and start again. Or create a new intention. If you are still going strong then keep going!

Read the poem above and remember that no matter how many times you stray you are always welcome back on your path. Always.

You can see a gallery of my collages on the new Sacred Tremor Facebook page.

EAT/right

Eating Experiment:

I started this new diet, which is basically that I can eat anything I want and as much of it as I want. Sounds pretty good right? Let me back up. A couple weeks ago I got an email from a friend with a link to this program put on by Whole Foods called Health Starts Here. First, I'm not really a dieter. I'm more of an experimenter on different ways of eating or not eating. I'm always exploring different ways that I can eat healthier and feel better. So out of curiosity I clicked on the link and signed up for the 28 day Eat Right America Challenge (information is below).

I receive one email a day telling me what the next step is. I'm really getting a lot of out it. But like most things, I read the information and I take my time integrating it into my life (and make up my own rules). What I like about this program is that it's not dogmatic and it's not complicated. It's clear and simple information that can be incorporated into your life, and it gives lots of delicious recipes.

In the past I've always experimented from the place of elimination-- no sugar, no dairy, no caffeine, no meat, no wheat, no carbs, no blah blah blah. This time I'm experimenting with not giving up anything. Here's what I've come up with: I can eat anything I want and as much of it as I want as long as I eat everything that my body requires daily-- greens, grains, beans, veggies, liquid, etc.. This program actually graphs out how much of each category your body needs. I've been doing it for a week now and I feel great so far. I haven't had pizza once not because I'm not allowed to have it but because my cravings for pizza have gone away, which for those of you who know me know that this is just shy of a flippin miracle.

Let me know if you sign up for it and how it goes. I will keep you informed on my progress, as well.

Health Starts Here program at Whole Foods

Enter this code: CERAFLTPA

www.eatrightamericachalleng.com

PRACTICING/mindfulness

photo by Jimmy Hickey

It's a wicked crazy winter wonderland here in Boston. Right now I'm sitting at my desk and outside there is a fresh 10 inches of snow from yesterday, but it's ice that's coming down now. The ice is supposed to turn into rain and then freeze tonight. I love that just by simply leaving my house I am immediately on an adventure! I've already fallen on the ice twice this year. The first time I fell I saw the ice, I told myself to be careful and then immediately slipped and fell. The second time I just wasn't paying attention. I had my arms full of yoga mats, headphones in my ears and I was thinking up a storm when all of a sudden I was on my ass.

Sitting there on the ice with the mats all around me and wondering if I had broken anything I thought to myself, "Rog, get out of your head. Pay attention!" I went home and sat down (on my left cheek, the one not bruised) and I pondered what the practice of mindfulness is. Mindfulness has always seemed so distant and difficult and, in some ways, unreachable especially inside my scattered brain. It occurred to me that it's actually quite simple. Mindfulness is the practice of just simply noticing what's present in the moment without judgement. In every moment there is a lot going on.

If I were to practice right now it would look something like this:

I have a cashew stuck in one of my teeth and my tongue is working hard to get it out. I can hear the sound of typing. There's the actual sound of the keys and then there is the sound of my fingers hitting the keys. I can also hear the ice as it hits the window and a siren off in the distance. My lower back is aching a little from sitting all morning. There is a tightened place in the center my chest that is causing my breath to be slightly constricted. I have a lot of energy stirring up my mind. I feel joyful, but when I close my eyes I'm also aware of an unreachable sadness that's tucked away inside the tightness of my chest... and so on and so forth....

That's the practice-- becoming aware of what's present without the judgement or opinion of the mind. Give it a try. Right now take a moment to notice what you notice.

Scan your senses.

What do you see, hear, taste and smell?

What are the physcial sensations in your body?

There will be some obvious things. See if you can tune in to some of the more subtle things. Can you hear the sound of your breathing? If it's appropriate (meaning that your not driving or running heavy machinery) close your eyes and notice again.

Practice this often. It can be as simple as taking a conscious breath or taking 30 seconds to notice what's around you.... and when the sidewalks are covered in ice for heaven's sake pay attention!

THIS/much

This much I do Remember
Billy Collins

It was after dinner.
You were talking to me across the table
about something or other,
a greyhound you had seen that day
or a song you liked,

and I was looking past you
over your bare shoulder
at the three oranges lying
on the kitchen counter
next to the small electric bean grinder,
which was also orange,
and the orange and white cruets for vinegar and oil.

Alll of which converged
into a random still life,
so fastened together by the hasp of color,
and so fixed behind the animated
foreground of your
talking and smiling,
gesturing and pouring wine,
and the camber of you shoulders

that I could feel it being painted within me,
brushed on the wall of my skull,
while the tone of your voice
lifted and fell in its flight,
and the three oranges
remained fixed on the counter
the way that stars are said
to be fixed in the universe.

Then all of the moments of the past
began to line up behind that moment
and all of the moments to come
assembled in front of it in a long row,
giving me reason to believe
that this was a moment I had rescued
from millions that rush out of sight
into a darkness behind the eyes.

Even after I have forgotten what year it is,
my middle name,
and the meaning of money,
I will still carry in my pocket
the small coin of that moment,
minted in the kingdom
that we pace through every day.